Do you know what the scariest word to me is?

Time.

I know. Laugh all you want, point your fingers, make fun of me. My brother makes me aware every day that I’m ridiculous. But sometimes this fear keeps me up at night. It scares me because I feel like just the name of the word owns me. There’s either not enough time or too much of it. There’s no in between. But lately, I’ve been living in the “not enough time” camp. Just looking at me weekly schedule stresses me out. During the Christmas season, I was 100% sure that I would have to make an appointment with my cardiologist. And don’t get me wrong: all of the things on my calendar were good things. I was jus A LOT of good things. My schedule is filled with discipleship groups, Bible studies, and time with family and friends. And that’s great! But sometimes, even too much of a good thing can be bad for you. About 4 years ago my doctor told me that I had developed a chocolate allergy. I was shocked, even though the previous day I had been downing about two bowls of chocolate ice cream. He laughed at my puzzled face and said, “You know Morgan, chocolate isn’t a bad thing. But highly concentrated amounts eaten within frequent periods of time can result in a developed allergy.” I looked at him confused, because let’s be real, that’s a lot of big words in one little sentence. He had summed it up pretty easily. Even good things can be bad for you if you have too much.

Even good things can be bad for you if you have too much.

I looked past all of my chocolate longings and dreams of myself lying in a chocolate fountain and started looking at my own life. And I started to notice something. I was attending all of these events on my schedule, but I wasn’t fully there. I was exhausted, drained, cranky, and worn slap out emotionally, physically, and spiritually. And then I got to the point where I didn’t want to do anything except take a nap and watch Hallmark movies. (To be honest that’s still what I want to do all day.) Exhaustion was my newly developed allergy.

And then someone asked me something that has stuck with me since, “Morgan, you lead a lot of things for other ladies, but what do you do for YOU?” I kind of laughed and was like, Wait what do you mean? Isn’t that selfish? Shouldn’t I want to do things for others?

But the more I thought about her question I started to become convicted, because I am very busy, but am I using that time and my personal time to grow closer to Jesus? Because even in my overbooked schedule, I still try my very best to have time for me. But what does that look like? I’d be lying if I told you I usually spend my down time reading the Word. Usually it looks like me collapsing on the couch and turning on a movie faster than you can say the word lazy. Which is not bad, but it’s not the best.

My mom told me once that discernment is not “knowing the difference between good and bad”. It’s knowing the difference between what’s good and what’s best. So I’ve looked at everything in my life and put it to this test: Is this good or is this best? And I’m just going to warn you, that’s super hard. Saying “No” to that movie with some friends might look like saying “Yes” to a night spent at home reading the Word and spending time with our Jesus. Saying “No” to that day spent shopping may be a “Yes” to a day of Bible study with some of your friends.

Discernment is knowing the difference between what’s good and what’s best.

I’m done with the days of my schedule owning me. I’m done with this stupid competition of who’s busier than whom. No more is “time” in control of my life. HE is in control of my life and my time in this week and on this earth. I’ve made the decision to put Him back in control and put Morgan Ramsey in the passenger seat. But it all starts with a decision. You have to come to the end of yourself, the end of your schedule, the end of your time, and put Jesus where He rightly belongs: In the driver’s seat of your heart and the controller of you time, temporal and eternal.

 Luke 2:1-20 (The Message)

“About that time Caesar Augustus ordered a census to be taken throughout the Empire. This was the first census when Quirinius was governor of Syria. Everyone had to travel to his own ancestral hometown to be accounted for. So Joseph went from the Galilean town of Nazareth up to Bethlehem in Judah, David’s town, for the census. As a descendant of David, he had to go there. He went with Mary, his fiancée, who was pregnant.

While they were there, the time came for her to give birth. She gave birth to a son, her firstborn. She wrapped him in a blanket and laid him in a manger, because there was no room in the hostel.

There were sheepherders camping in the neighborhood. They had set night watches over their sheep. Suddenly, God’s angel stood among them and God’s glory blazed around them. They were terrified. The angel said, ‘Don’t be afraid. I’m here to announce a great and joyful event that is meant for everybody, worldwide: A Savior has just been born in David’s town, a Savior who is Messiah and Master. This is what you’re to look for: a baby wrapped in a blanket and lying in a manger.’

At once the angel was joined by a huge angelic choir singing God’s praises:

As the angel choir withdrew into heaven, the sheepherders talked it over. ‘Let’s get over to Bethlehem as fast as we can and see for ourselves what God has revealed to us.’ They left, running, and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby lying in the manger. Seeing was believing. They told everyone they met what the angels had said about this child. All who heard the sheepherders were impressed.

Mary kept all these things to herself, holding them dear, deep within herself. The sheepherders returned and let loose, glorifying and praising God for everything they had heard and seen. It turned out exactly the way they’d been told!”

From all of us to each of you… Wishing you a truly blessed holiday season as you worship the Savior!

Sometime during junior high I read O. Henry’s short story “The Gift of the Magi” and I fell in love with it. I vividly remember the day in that high-ceilinged, chalk-dusty room when we first started reading it. I assumed it would be about baby Jesus and the wise men. When it wasn’t, I was intrigued. Why that name for the story, I pondered? To this day that tale of the great love of Jim and Della and the sacrifices they made to buy presents for each other is one of my favorite short stories and is foundational in my character. I think of it often and use it as an example or lesson here and there. In fact, it was one of those behavior-changing stories for me. In college, when my newly wed husband and I were totally broke, the memory of that story challenged me so much, that I sold my highschool class ring to buy my husband a present for our first anniversary. If you haven’t already read the tale, now would be a good time. It takes about 5 minutes. Here’s the link. My Christmas gift to you! Knowing the story will give you some background for this blog article. Plus, you’ll love it!

So tonight as I sit alone under the glow of my Christmas tree lights in a silent house, I’m pondering this heart-warming story. The Biblical Magi gave gifts to the baby Jesus and this secular tale is a story about gift-giving; that is the basic reason behind the title (which I did figure out by the end of the story that first day as I read). But so much more is bubbling through my thoughts. Where is my heart this Christmas? What are my motives in gift-giving? Do I love well? Other than with my family, am I really generous at heart? Am I a Magi?  I would like to be.

The scriptural Magi, the wise men, set out to follow a star to find and worship the newborn King of the Jews. They went through lengthy, difficult travels – no SUV with AC and a DVD to occupy the kids, stopping at fast food restaurants and well-manicured rest areas any time they needed a break. NO. Their trek involved days of preparations (if not weeks), taking with them all the food and animals, and animal fodder, and water, and clothing and whatever else they might need for a long journey to an unknown destination. Whoa! What a task. And all that work just to worship!

In your life, are you even on the journey? Or would you have been one of the thousands of “un-wise” men who didn’t bother to go search for Him? 

Those Magi of old found the Babe, the Christ. The first thing they did was to worship Him. Is this our first reaction to Christ? To bow and worship? And what did they do after they worshipped? That’s the part we hear of the most. Springing out of their worship, they gave Him gifts. That’s why we give gifts today to celebrate Christ’s birth, because gifts were brought to Him at His birth and because the heavenly Father gave us this greatest gift of all – a Savior born in a manger.

If you’re on the journey, are you a diligent, whatever-it-takes wise man preparing to worship Him? Or would you have been an “un-wise” man milling around Bethlehem with a complacent “hmm-a star-meh” attitude?

I recently noticed something in scripture that I’d never really thought about. They opened their treasures and gave Him gifts out of their treasures. Do we bring gifts to Him out of our treasures? Or do we give him something cheap to us? Do we offer the thrift store present? Or re-gift him with the free one from last year’s Christmas party that we didn’t want? Or wrap up a happy meal toy that’s still in the plastic?

 Would you have been a wise man who stood up to King Herod and proceeded undeterred to worship the true King? Or are you more of an “un-wise” man whose faith gets strangled out by the cares of the world or side-tracked by any opposition or fiery trial you face?

What do I treasure? My husband. My children. My home. My possessions. My job. My time. My plan for my life…. Have I given Him those things I value the most? Just a reminder in the words of Jim Elliot, “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.”

Facing all sorts of difficulties, would you have been one of the few who actually made it to the manger to see the Son of God? Or are you today one of the “un-wise” ones always wishing you could experience Jesus the way “she” does and just a bit jealous that you don’t, yet unwilling to put out the effort to get you past the obstacles and to the Christ? It doesn’t just happen. It takes effort on your part. How many times have you bumped into the President as you rolled your trash can to the street while wearing your robe on a random Thursday morning? Doesn’t happen. Ladies, if we wish to experience the Christ with other wise men, we must gather our goods, load our camels, and travel long journeys. We must diligently prepare to worship Him. Set our hearts on Him. Be willing to pay a high price. Spend time and effort on our own in the Word.

In The Gift of the Magi, Jim and Della gave the things they valued most – the treasured watch and her glorious hair. They sacrificed these things because they loved so deeply. Out of their scarcity they found a way to give. Just like the widow at the temple who gave only two mites (1/5 of a cent each) but was praised by Jesus for giving more than all the others because she had given all that she had, her treasure.

Where do we stand ladies? Do we give to the Father out of our abundance (because we should) or out of our treasure (because we love deeply)? It is never foolish to love lavishly and give prodigally. Scripture tells us that we love because He first loved us. The more we live in the Father’s love, the more our love will grow. The more we love the Father, the more we will love people around us. Even the ones that are hard to love. And the more we give to our Heavenly Father, the more we will show generosity to the world around us. Wise “men,” let’s hold our treasure sack loosely and draw out our costly gifts generously. Let us be like the wise men of old. Let’s be like Jim & Della. Let’s be modern-day Magi.

by Debbie Stovall

Raising kids is sometimes a guessing game. You do something one day and it works, but the next day you do the same thing and it doesn’t. As grandparents now, Randy and I are able to look back and evaluate our parenting. Here are a few of the things we did that turned out to have more value than we realized at the time. All three deal with managing our money or possessions, and all have paid off in my children’s attitude toward possessions. So just in time for the holidays, here is my gift to you! Hope it helps in your mommy-journey or spurs you to think of new ideas of your own!

#1 – The “Less is More” Trick

No one in my family is a picker eater. We love food! So from the time they could toddle around, my children all wanted more snack than I thought was best. I found a little trick with my first child one day when I was impatient. I offered him a cookie, only one, because it was almost supper time. He immediately said, “No. Two.” In my impatience, I respond testily, “Ok, you can have zero then.” He promptly decided one was better than none, took his cookie, and was fine.

The light bulb went on for me! From that day on in negotiating with my kids I used that same trick; if they started asking for more, I began to retreat on what I was willing to give. If I offered two marshmallows, they would want three, so I would drop back to 1 which made the original offer of two very satisfying to them. If I told them I would buy them a toy at Wal-Mart, they would see two and want both. When I let them know that if they couldn’t decide on one they wouldn’t get any, they would find a way to choose one. When I told my 16-year-old to be home by 10:00 and he responded that everyone else was staying out until 11:00, I would pull my offer back to 9:00. Then 10:00 suddenly looked pretty good.

The trick is saying it kindly with a tender expression on your face. If you get mad and shout “No you only get one now!” or “Well Bud, just for that you have to be home at 9:00!” you bring yourself down to the child’s level and he keeps arguing. But if you stay calm and unruffled, he realizes he has a choice to make. If he wants anything, he has to play by your rules. He may not always be happy about it, but battles will de-escalate.

#2 – Keep-Give

From the time that sweet baby is born every parent longs to give that child every good gift we can, just like our Father in Heaven does for us. But somewhere between 9 months and 3-years-old the toys begin to take over. As a parent it’s a struggle to know how to get rid of some of this abundance, because after all Grandma gave them this, and that is recommended by Parents magazine, and all the cool moms say every child needs those. So what is a mom to do to get the mess under control and be a good steward of the family’s possessions?

We came up with a solution. We called it “Keep-Give.” I would plan a day to do nothing else. I would take into the children’s room a large garbage can with several extra garbage bags and some boxes labeled “Give.” Then I would sit in the middle of the room and dump out a toy box or bin, one at a time, in front of me. I would hold up one toy at a time and ask, “Keep? Give? Or throw away?” If someone said keep it went back into the toy basket. If they all said, “Give” it went into the cardboard box to be given away. If it was broken or had missing parts or was beyond being used it went into the trash. Each of the children could have his or her say, and if even one of them said, “Keep,” I would honor that. (However, many times the lone person saying “Keep” would later change his mind and pass the treasure on.)

It was a very fun and revealing experience. (And it still has a hearty affirmation from everyone in the family, parent and child alike.) It usually took most of the day, but it was worth it. I was always shocked at what they gave to others that I thought they would be unwilling to part with. I actually heard wisdom coming from them like, “We don’t play with that much anymore, but some other kid might like it.” It gave them a chance to make wise choices about their possessions without me controlling it. And it gave them a chance to be generous. The revelation for me was that some of the things they were willing to get rid of, I was not! I would remember the high cost of the toy or think that a certain toy “should have” sentimental value to them because of who gave it, and therefore would not want them to give it away. So this exercise helped me with my own greed issues. I did make a few exceptions. The one-of-a-kind toy Aunt Joyce had sent them from Bahrain, the American Girls doll they’d outgrown that I wanted to save for my grandchild, those sorts of things I put aside and stored in the attic at the end of the day.

It was a character forming procedure, too. I always explained first what we were doing and how the procedure worked because the little ones had to learn how. We would talk about how blessed we were with all these great toys and how some kids didn’t have as much as we did. We would discuss how it’s good to give things and not to hoard everything. As they got older we incorporated Bible verses on giving and generosity, always including my favorite from the time I was 6 years old, “God loveth a cheerful giver” (2 Corinthians 9:7 “Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver.”)

This task is well worth the time spent. We did it twice a year, usually before Christmas and sometime in late spring. Sometimes we still ended up with too many toys, so I would divide them up into laundry baskets. I would leave one basket down for the kids to play with and put one basket in the top of the closet and swap the baskets out every month or so. This was refreshing to the kids when they got bored with the toys they were used to.

#3 – Three Bowls

As the kids got old enough to do chores we decided we needed to teach them about money. So we gave each child assigned chores and a set allowance each week. It’s never too early to start this. Even 2-year-olds can start to fold wash cloths! And DO make a game of it! By 5 years of age they had to put away their own toys and could wipe down sinks & counters with a cloth and spray bottle containing only water. At 6 they were setting the table, putting their laundry away, and dusting. By 8 they could load the dishwasher, help cook dinner, and make their bed (messily). At 10 they learned to do their own laundry, iron, vacuum, and mow grass. So they earned money every week doing their chores.

Of course we did not want them wasting it all on candy or cheap toys each week. So here’s what we did. We saved 3 of the small-sized empty margarine spread bowls for each child. (If you can find plain colored ones or ones without the brand name written on it, they are cuter.) We wrote with a permanent marker on each bowl either “Spend,” “Save,” or “Give.” Dad cut a neat little coin slit in each lid. We chose to have them put 10% into the “Give” bowl (their tithe), 20% into the “Save” bowl (to teach them to save up for bigger things they wanted to buy/do later) and the other 70% into “Spend.” We always made sure we gave the allowance money to them in a way that was easy to divide. ($1.00 would be given in 10 dimes, or $10.00 given in 10 ones.) Every Saturday evening as we were laying out clothes for church, we’d help the ones who were school age fill out their offering envelopes and put their “Give” money in to take to church the next day.

I highly recommend this “trick.” It teaches kids the value of money as they take their spend money to the store and see what they can afford to purchase. It teaches them delayed gratification as they build up money in the “Save” bowl for something special down the road. And it builds the habit of tithing in them from the time they are little children. You may want to change the ratios, 33-33-33% is the easiest. Or some people add a 4th bowl labeled “Taxes” and the money from all the children is then pooled together down the road and used for a family vacation or outing (promoting the concept of paying taxes to the Government which should use it for our corporate good).

A few other things to consider:

• Do I overdo presents on birthdays and Christmas or do I celebrate within my means?
• Do I give in at the grocery store or Wal-Mart and buy something for the child because they have put up such a fit to get it?
• Am I personally satisfied with what I have, or do my children see and hear me lamenting over what I don’t have or what I wish we could do?
• Is our family tithing (10% to God) and living joyfully within our means?
• Do I view everything we own as belonging to God? Leaving God’s broken down vehicle on the side of the road is much easier than leaving Mine. Live with an open hand toward possessions.
• A favorite children’s book of ours on the subject of greed is an old one, Gimme by Stephen Cosgrove and Charles Reasoner.

Hope you’ve enjoyed the tips. I’m sure other moms would love to hear your special tips and tricks if you’d like to share them in the comments below!

by Joy Hutzler

Judges chapter 6 tells us an amazing story about a “nobody” named Gideon.  Gideon was the youngest son of a poor man in Israel. In those days, the Midianite army would sweep through Israel each harvest season and utterly destroy all the crops and livestock of the Israelites.  God’s people had resorted to hiding in caves in the mountains during this time of the year for fear of the Midianites.  After some time, the people of the Lord, who had begun worshipping other gods, grew tired of the oppression of the Midianites and cried out to God for help. One day, Gideon was hiding in a winepress, beating out some wheat to hide it from the Midianites, and an angel appeared to him with a message from the Lord.  As a way of greeting, the angel said, “The Lord is with you, man of courage.”  Here was Gideon hiding from the Midianites, and the Lord called him a man of courage. I imagine Gideon looked around to see who the angel must have been referring to. The angel went on to give Gideon instructions about what was to come and how the Lord was going to use him to deliver the Israelites from the Midianite army. But first, God wanted Gideon to tear down the idol of the false god Baal, which was standing in the way of victory for the Israelites.  Every time he was given instructions, Gideon asked for confirmation that it was truly a message from the Lord. Gideon was afraid. He was afraid of the Midianites.  He was afraid of the men of his village.  He doesn’t sound much like a “man of courage.” But each time after he confirmed the Lord’s message, Gideon was obedient and did what the Lord had told him to do.

My husband and I are raising a son amidst his three sisters.  Trying to teach him to be strong and fearless is a task that I don’t always feel equipped for.  I often tell him when he is afraid to have courage.  I remind him that, “It isn’t courage if you aren’t afraid.”

God asked Gideon to trust him and to obey some outlandish and seemingly impossible commands.  He was afraid. I would have been, too! Gideon was given an army of 300 men to stand up against the great Midianite (and Amalekite) armies. There were more of them than could be counted. But God didn’t really need Gideon’s help. He wanted his trust and obedience. God didn’t let him down.

Sometimes in our own lives God asks us to trust him and obey him in situations that seem far above our capabilities. We cannot even fathom at times how God could possibly work a plan to handle an overwhelming situation. We are confused why he even wants to involve us in his plan in the first place. We are afraid of the circumstances or cower at all of the “what ifs.”

God called Gideon a man of courage before he even gave him the first instruction, because God already knew who Gideon was. God already knew Gideon was afraid, but he wanted to give him a title that would help Gideon understand that God saw something about him that he couldn’t see for himself.

Maybe you don’t feel very courageous. Maybe you feel very unworthy or ill-equipped to handle a task the Lord has given you.  But this is where God loves to work!  God loves to work in all of our inadequacies because that is where HE gets the glory. That is where HE gets to shine and show his power.  If you have been given instructions from the Lord, go ahead and get confirmation, then in all of your fears, inadequacies, and uncertainties, OBEY! The Lord is with you, Woman of Courage.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

by Morgan Ramsey

“Morgan, he doesn’t like me. I guess I wasn’t good enough for him. He just wanted to be friends. I am not worthy of someone like that.” As a girls’ minister, I hear this plenty from the middle school and high school girls at my church. And as hard as it is to hear that, I know it’s even harder to say out loud. Why? Because it gets at a fear that we as girls, and even more so as women have: a fear of rejection. Rejection is hard. It’s a low blow, and demolishes any ounce of self-esteem that we may have had. Why? Because we let it.

But we let it because we believe a lie that could not be further from the truth: You aren’t enough. As young girls we hear it and see it everywhere we go. This lie can be found in magazines, or songs, or in a movie, or in the school hallways where the other girls make fun of how we look. We can find it in people’s comments about what we are wearing, or when every single girl is in a relationship BUT US. And we don’t grow out of this when we graduate high school. As women we can see it every single day if we look in our own lives and in the lives of other women around us.

Yeah, I know. I get it. I struggle with it every day of my life. My surroundings have changed, but the lie remains. Instead of seeing it in high school hallways, I see it in my work place, in my personal life, in my family, and in the way I think about myself. And I’ve realized unless we get to the root of the issue, it will metastasize from middle school to adult life. It’s a silent killer It’s hard to rid yourself of this lie, because well…  it’s so stinkin’ believable!

I’m reading through a book called Lies Young Women Believe, and it goes through all of the different lies that Satan throws at us every single day. There is also an adult version for women as well, and it is equally as powerful. The amount of lies that Satan throws at us daily is scary. But what is even scarier is the thought that women BELIEVE these lies every day. The one that keeps coming back to me is this lie of “you are not enough.” And to a certain extent, that is true. We AREN’T enough. But in Him, we are more than enough.

The Lord calls us something different. He calls us into a different type of living. He calls us worthy. He calls us beloved. He calls us His masterpiece. He calls us His prize and possession. He calls us chosen. And most importantly, He calls us to live in freedom, not in bondage to a lie that has no place in our lives.

Because of Him, we become faultless, holy, blameless, righteous, pure, and enough. Because He has made us these things and even more, we don’t have to be burdened by rejection. When people say we aren’t enough, we can look up and look at the Father and say, “He makes me enough, because He is more than enough”. We don’t have to live burdened by what people think of us. We can live abundantly in the truth of what He calls us.

The lie of rejection always hits you hardest in the place where you feel least satisfied. So for middle school girls and high school girls they face this lie head on in relationships. The desire to be wanted and loved by a guy is strong in this age group. I’m starting to realize you can find this lie anywhere. I told you how I see it in my life, but I’ve seen it in the woman who has worked for years with her company and didn’t get that promotion. I’ve seen it in the woman who watched a lifelong friend walk out of her life. I’ve seen it in the woman whose child wants nothing to do with her. I’ve seen it in the woman who struggles with miscarriage and the woman who can’t get pregnant after years of trying. I’ve seen it in the woman who has prayed for marriage for years and is still single at 33. I’ve seen it in the woman who has a perfect marriage on the outside, but on the inside feels an immovable separation from her husband and is plagued by loneliness.

The lie of rejection always hits you hardest in the place where you feel least satisfied. 

Fill in your blank. WE ALL deal with this. Sometimes we can’t control what comes our way. But we can control how we respond. So. How are you going to fight the lie of rejection this week? I tell my girls that one of the best ways to fight this is to remember who you are. Not who you are as a person, but who you are in Him. Remember sweet girl or woman of God, the God who made you so intimately, cares a ton about you.

Honesty hour. I struggle with this lie. I’ve struggled with this lie this week. But let me share something with you. When it gets the hardest, when I hit my lowest on the self-esteem scale, Jesus reminds me who I am in Him. Here’s what He breathed into me this week. I pray that this helps you remember who you are and who made you so intimately every time the enemy throws the lie of rejection your way. I’m praying for you this week

“Oh Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I’m going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand. I can never escape from your Spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave, you are there. If I ride on the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me. I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night – but even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to you. You made all the delicate inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous – how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me!”- Psalm 139:1-18

“Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous – how well I know it! You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.”

by Michele Mann

We met for an early (but not too early) breakfast. We chatted and laughed in between sips of caffeine ( because mid-morning is still morning). We discussed husbands and kids and ailing parents and busy lives. We talked about the struggle of trying to juggle an endless to do list with maintaining healthy relationships with Jesus and our husbands and our kids. She briefly mentioned a couple of struggles she was walking through, and then quickly added, “But I’m okay.” I nodded and listened for a few more minutes as she slowly stirred her coffee. She had to scoot out for an appointment, so I prayed for her and she darted out the door.

As I watched her leave, my heart sank. She most definitely wasn’t okay. She was drowning in the abyss between desire and expectation and reality. I’ve been there. It’s a hard place to live—made even harder when we fall prey to the lie that we have to hide our heartache. I’ve gone about my days with a placid smile and a sorrowful heart. I’ve said all those things a follower of Christ is supposed to say when life gets hard like, “God is faithful,” or “God’s got this,” or “God is good.” When all the while my mind and heart are wrestling with doubt and fear and wondering if God is really there, if He really cares. I want someone to tell me it’s okay to not be okay. I want someone to remind me that God is okay with me not being okay.

When I am in that dark and desperate place my mind wanders back to a trio of siblings. Three whose hearts were knit with each other and knit with the heart of the Messiah. They loved well. So well, in fact, that Jesus spent as much time with them as He could when He walked the earth. He made their little house in Bethany, just a couple of miles outside of Jerusalem, His getaway. Even Jesus needed a quiet place to reflect and rest. And the siblings loved hosting Him. They knew He was the Savior of the world, but to them He was also a cherished friend.

The Resurrection of Lazarus – Wilhelm Kotarbinski

So on that dark day when their brother became ill, the sisters knew whom to call. They expected Him to rush to their side. But the days passed and there was no sign of the Savior. Mary and Martha sat vigil by Lazarus’s bedside waiting, waiting for Jesus to come. But He did not. Lazarus took his last breath and the sister’s wept and mourned and still no Jesus.

Four days after the sisters laid their beloved brother in his tomb, Jesus arrived. Martha, the sister who was rebuked by Jesus for chiding her sister for sitting at His feet, was the first of the sisters to find Jesus. But Mary, the one who poured out her precious perfume at the feet of Jesus and sat at His feet and listened to Him for hours and hours, stayed home.

Martha met Jesus with words of a tested, but steadfast faith. “Lord if you had been here, our brother would not have died. But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.” But Mary sat at home in her grief. Her heart broken. Her eyes swollen with tears. Why had He waited so long? Why didn’t He save Lazarus? Mary was awakened from her anguish by her sister, who took her aside privately to tell her the Teacher was here and was calling for her. Mary quickly got up and made her way to him. Through her sorrow, she made the same statement to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” But she could not utter words of faith, her broken heart wouldn’t allow it. At that moment, Mary was at the end of herself, and was raw before her Messiah. She had no words, only tears. Jesus did not chastise her lack of faith or judge her honest words of despair. He did something so tender, so kind, so beautiful. He wept.

I’ve often thought back to this encounter when my heart is broken. What was it that broke the heart of Jesus? Was it simply His compassion for Mary? Was it His heartache that she had to suffer such agony in this sin-sick world? Was it His sorrow over the reality of death? Was it a combination of all these things? Whatever the reason, the comfort comes in knowing Jesus understood Mary’s pain and cried with her. And like Mary, when I come to the end of myself, I allow Jesus to reveal His glory. Mary found she could be real and raw before Jesus and He didn’t condemn her, He wept with her. He understood her pain and the depth of His love was revealed in more beauty and power than she could’ve ever imagined.

As time has passed, I’ve prayed much for my friend. I let her talk and encourage her to be honest before God. I tell her it’s okay to not be okay. I tell her it’s in those deepest, darkest, end of ourselves moments God is able to be to us exactly what we need Him to be—our Rescuer, our Redeemer, our Friend. Because it is not in our strength or our ability or our talent that we are made strong—in God’s strange, absurd, upside down world—it’s in our weakness, in our lack, that we find God is all we need. And He is okay with us not being okay. In fact, He welcomes our broken hearts.

“Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our “God is a consuming fire.” Hebrews 12:28-29

A challenge for today:

Starting today, document what you are grateful for. You can start a Gratefulness Journal recording at least one thing a day for which you are grateful. Or you can join the Instagram #100daysofgratitude phenomenon. Whatever you choose, if you are faithful to it you will find that having a grateful heart will change your perspective on life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The blog article today is written by YOU! We’ll all chime in too! In the “Comments” box below please share at least one thing you are grateful for today or this week. Let’s have a flood of replies to remind us all that there is much more to be grateful for than we may feel we have. Sometimes the worries of life and the struggles of relationships and the fears about the future keep us so bound up we lose sight of all we are truly blessed with!

So whether it is Thanksgiving day you read this, or a week from now when things are settling down, as the old hymn tells us “Count your Blessings, Name them One by One!”

When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly,
And you will keep singing as the days go by.

When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold;
Count your many blessings—money cannot buy
Your reward in heaven, nor your home on high.

So, amid the conflict whether great or small,
Do not be discouraged, God is over all;
Count your many blessings, angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God has done!
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your many blessings, see what God has done.

by Dena Green

You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands; you shall be blessed, and it shall be well with you. Psalm 128:2

When we want to catch up with friends or family, what do we usually do?  We plan a dinner date or a cook-out or special meal at our home.  We celebrate holidays, birthdays, or special events with meals together.  When was the last time you invited the members of your household to a meal at your table?  TV off, cell phones and electronics put away, out of sight and hearing distance.

In the Bible,  many times we see Jesus having meals with people.  Meals with his disciples, his friends, Mary, Martha and Lazarus.  It is part of our Biblical heritage as meals together are mentioned all through the Bible.  God gave feasts for his people to observe “together” in remembrance of Him. Important things took place at meals.

Meals together are so important for a family. It is a time when we can teach our little ones table manners and how to act and behave at the table. They can see you pray as a family over a meal and realize the importance of giving thanks to the Lord for all he provides for us.  They learn concern and compassion for other as each person or only one shares something about their day, good or bad.  It is a place to connect as a family for a few minutes out of the day and for the kids to share with mom and dad about anything on their minds.

Is meal time always pleasant?  Absolutely not!  Many times when our children were younger,  we came to the table and had tears and frustrated parents and moody teens.  Meltdowns occurred because they didn’t want to eat.   Big brother picked on little sisters and little sisters annoyed their teen siblings.  Some days, we wanted to throw in the towel and give up.  But many, many more times we came together and had belly laughs over something funny.  We laughed just because someone else was laughing and not really sure why.  We took time to pray for an upcoming test or a classmate going through a rough time. We prayed over family issues or a sick loved one.

Your meal time may not look the same as other families’, but find what works for yours.  Be deliberate and persistent. Don’t feel overwhelmed or guilty.  If you don’t feel you have time, start with just one meal and work toward it becoming a habit. This is an important investment in your family and the dividends will be well worth your efforts.  Even secular studies report the positive benefits for a family that connects during at least a couple of meals each week. Check out this Washington Post article.

As a mom, I fought against distractions and activities to have meals around our dinner table as a family, and we managed to get together at least a few times each week in spite of school events and other activities. Even now, with older and two married children, we try as often as we can to catch up with one another with a meal at our house.  We have the best times together! If you feed them, they will come!

Psalm 127:4-5  Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth.