Not Enough Time?

Do you know what the scariest word to me is?

Time.

I know. Laugh all you want, point your fingers, make fun of me. My brother makes me aware every day that I’m ridiculous. But sometimes this fear keeps me up at night. It scares me because I feel like just the name of the word owns me. There’s either not enough time or too much of it. There’s no in between. But lately, I’ve been living in the “not enough time” camp. Just looking at me weekly schedule stresses me out. During the Christmas season, I was 100% sure that I would have to make an appointment with my cardiologist. And don’t get me wrong: all of the things on my calendar were good things. I was jus A LOT of good things. My schedule is filled with discipleship groups, Bible studies, and time with family and friends. And that’s great! But sometimes, even too much of a good thing can be bad for you. About 4 years ago my doctor told me that I had developed a chocolate allergy. I was shocked, even though the previous day I had been downing about two bowls of chocolate ice cream. He laughed at my puzzled face and said, “You know Morgan, chocolate isn’t a bad thing. But highly concentrated amounts eaten within frequent periods of time can result in a developed allergy.” I looked at him confused, because let’s be real, that’s a lot of big words in one little sentence. He had summed it up pretty easily. Even good things can be bad for you if you have too much.

Even good things can be bad for you if you have too much.

 

I looked past all of my chocolate longings and dreams of myself lying in a chocolate fountain and started looking at my own life. And I started to notice something. I was attending all of these events on my schedule, but I wasn’t fully there. I was exhausted,fashion-person-woman-girl drained, cranky, and worn slap out emotionally, physically, and spiritually. And then I got to the point where I didn’t want to do anything except take a nap and watch Hallmark movies. (To be honest that’s still what I want to do all day.) Exhaustion was my newly developed allergy.

And then someone asked me something that has stuck with me since, “Morgan, you lead a lot of things for other ladies, but what do you do for YOU?” I kind of laughed and was like, Wait what do you mean? Isn’t that selfish? Shouldn’t I want to do things for others?

But the more I thought about her question I started to become convicted, because I am very busy, but am I using that time and my personal time to grow closer to Jesus? Because even in my overbooked schedule, I still try my very best to have time for me. But what does that look like? I’d be lying if I told you I usually spend my down time reading the Word. Usually it looks like me collapsing on the couch and turning on a movie faster than you can say the word lazy. Which is not bad, but it’s not the best.

My mom told me once that discernment is not “knowing the difference between good and bad”. It’s knowing the difference between what’s good and what’s best. So I’ve looked at everything in my life and put it to this test: Is this good or is this best? And I’m just going to warn you, that’s super hard. Saying “No” to that movie with some friends might look like saying “Yes” to a night spent at home reading the Word and spending time with our Jesus. Saying “No” to that day spent shopping may be a “Yes” to a day of Bible study with some of your friends.

Discernment is knowing the difference between what’s good and what’s best.

I’m done with the days of my schedule owning me. I’m done with this stupid competition of who’s busier than whom. No more is “time” in control of my life. HE is in control of my life and my time in this week and on this earth. I’ve made the decision to put Him back in control and put Morgan Ramsey in the passenger seat. But it all starts with a decision. You have to come to the end of yourself, the end of your schedule, the end of your time, and put Jesus where He rightly belongs: In the driver’s seat of your heart and the controller of you time, temporal and eternal.

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