Boundaries are important.

In the old west, ranchers had fences. Or on the really huge tracts of open pasture they branded what they owned to show it belonged to them and was under their authority. If you’ve ever watched a 1960 cowboy show you’ve seen this. What always happened on Gunsmoke or Bonanza? A guy in a black cowboy hat (bad guy) was rustling cows, robbing the stagecoach or train, blocking water rights, or taking over land illegally. And the guy in the white hat (good guy) always came to the rescue of the damsel in distress whose possessions or boundary was threatened.

Boundaries are important. From Genesis 1 God established boundaries. He separated light and dark, heaven and earth, land and sea, work and rest, and he made distinction in kinds of animals and plants. In Genesis 2 He established a separation, a boundary, between male and female. He set very distinct boundaries for the beautiful home He had made for Adam and Eve (verses 10-14). He set a boundary of what they could and could not eat. By chapter 3 (out of 1,189 chapters in the Bible) the Enemy had already come to tempt Adam and Eve to push the boundaries. And they did. And there were consequences: doubt, greed, rebellion, sin, but also hiding from God, fear, deception, broken relationships, blame, strife between women and men, unfulfilled desires, domination, pain and toil all their life, thorns & thistles, sweat, separation, loss of the simplicity of a beautiful life, and death. They were now outcasts of the Garden.

Today the Enemy still does the same thing. He tempts humans to push the boundaries.  When they do, just as with Adam and Eve, people experience the devastating consequences too. Life and relationships are marred with pain and betrayal and separation and other negative consequences because individuals don’t honor those boundaries as God’s Word instructs us to, but instead ignore moral boundaries, marital boundaries, property boundaries, societal boundaries, and legal boundaries – just to name a few of the most common violations.

Blessings follow as children of God obey and honor boundaries.

Property Boundaries

Except for kleptomaniacs, this one boundary seems pretty easy for the average Christian to honor. Think: I don’t want anyone to steal my lawnmower, so I’m not going to steal yours. Makes sense. Easy, right?

Or is it? What about the office supplies that end up at the house, taken home with good intentions, to do some work, but the surplus never returned? Hmmm. Or how about the $20 bill  found on the sidewalk, tucked in the pocket, as the new owner walks merrily away singing “Finders keepers, losers weepers”? Hmmm. Need I go on? Vigilance is required in order for Christians not to find themselves going over those giant bumps of a mega slide headed down a slippery slope.

Moral Boundaries

Most people consider themselves to be moral people. They understand right and wrong. If someone lies it is a betrayal of trust. If another woman steals someone’s husband, anger and a break in relationship is a correct response. Society understands that it should protect the innocence of children and the fragility of the elderly and infirm.

Often moral boundaries don’t become an issue for Church folks until they find themselves halfway down that slippery slope and starting to grab at any handhold along the way including denying, justifying actions, lying, and manipulating people and circumstances. Often a person will give in to temptation the first time in a small way without even realizing it, unless they are vigilant. For example: At work a married woman makes a business call to a man. At the end they share a silly joke and laugh together. She hangs up. Her day is brightened. Nothing wrong with that. However, Satan has cracked open a door. Does she have the safety chain on the door? If not, she may find herself developing a friendship, enjoying the attention of that man, spending time fondly thinking of him, accepting his flirty compliments, and then she finds herself in a spot. She is flirting with a moral boundary she never saw herself having to deal with.

To keep moral boundaries secure, a woman must be vigilant with her thought life! She can lie to herself if not careful.

Relational Boundaries

What are relational boundaries? These are the interpersonal skills of how a person takes care of their own inner needs and outer duties and commitments. They help distinguish a person’s unique identity from that of another person. These boundaries are essential for leading a healthy, balanced life, and they include physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual boundary lines. Frequently, people struggle with these type boundaries because of their personality traits or habits developed in their upbringing. Consider the following.

Ever met a person who seemed to have never grown up? It’s not always obvious what issue they have, but a person hanging around them may end up feeling a pull to take on responsibilities that are not theirs, either materially, physically, mentally, spiritually, or emotionally. The person continually borrowing the $10 that is never repaid. (Material boundary.) The person wanting someone to come to their rescue in a crisis, but then never reciprocating. (Emotional/physical boundary.) The teen whose bedroom is cleaned by Mom, only to have it back in the same shape within 6 weeks, which then ignites Mom’s anger at them that they aren’t taking care of their responsibilities. (Physical/mental boundary.)

On the flip side of that are the people who seem to never need anyone. It is apparent that they could use a hand, but they continually decline all offers and send the message, “I got this.” They are walled off in a self-protective way that allows very few people in. (Emotional boundary.) They have a rigid boundary of self-protection, that surely does keep the bad out, but also prohibits good from entering.

Then there are individuals that sin and suffer consequences but never accept the truth that it was their sin that caused the problems. They still want to point fingers and play the blame game which cycles them into more sin, because blame is lying (saying it is another’s fault when it is not), and these lies are keeping the person distant with their Heavenly Father. (Spiritual boundary.) This boudary issue keeps God at a distance and keeps the boundary-less person from reaching full repentance and resolution. The Gospel “brings hostile parties together (Colossians 1:21) and heals relationships between God and humanity, and between people.” (Boundaries, p. 135)

All of these people have boundary issues.

Henry Cloud, in his book Boundaries, reminds Christians of the need and purpose of relational boundaries. The purpose of boundaries is two-fold: to keep out things that will harm and to allow in things that will nurture. They should be like fences with a gate, not walls. Things and people come and go in life for a person’s good if they exercise appropriate boundaries. No one is required to allow angry or abusive people into their lives. However, scripture does command us to forgive them. Forgiveness means turning them over to God and letting them off our hook, not allowing them to keep harming us. As for the second purpose of boundaries, if Mrs. Lone Ranger is acting in a self-sufficient manner, she’s missing out on her deep relationships and needs being ministered to, but she is also depriving others in the body of Christ of an opportunity to exercise their God-given gift of mercy or exhortation or service or giving. Each member of the body of Christ must minister and be ministered to, just as the cells, tissues, and systems of our physical body work together yet are independent in their purposes. They each carry out their own job, but are supported by other parts doing their own jobs as well.

Roping our Steer

It’s time to grow up Little Cowgirls! We need to grab our rope, mount our horse, and chase that steer that belongs to us. We are responsible for things within our boundaries. Are we taking care of them? Or are we trying to pass the blame just as our sister Eve did? Just as God gave Adam & Eve responsibilities and boundaries, He has given us responsibilities and boundaries.

How are you most tempted, to push the boundaries morally? To not handle relational boundaries appropriately? It’s time to learn how to set boundaries. (Check out the link above for more info.) It’s time to exercise self-control. Call your spirit to attention in Jesus’ name and have a talk with it, or allow Him to speak. Speak scriptural truth to yourself, immerse yourself in God’s Word, memorize it, purify your mind, and pray.

Colossians chapter 3 is full of wisdom on how to shape up boundaries. If a woman spent all her mental effort living out the commands of this one chapter, boundaries would be a tiny issue if any issue at all.

“Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.” (3:2-4)

^“Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.” (3:5)

“But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.^” (3:8)

“Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.” (3:9-10)

^“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” (3:12-14)

^“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace and be thankful.” (3:15)

“Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.” (3:16)

“Whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus. (3:17)

^“Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” (3:18)

^“Children, obey your parents in everything.” (3:19)

^“Do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.” (3:20)

^“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.” (3:23)

Christ is your life! Go live your life with those boundaries!

Life with boundaries can be beautiful!

 

Writing Your Testimony

Grab your coffee, and a pen and 2 sheets of paper today. You’ll have an assignment! The teacher in me is coming out. Sometimes you have to follow through and do something to actually learn it.

As we’ve walked through 8 months of Back to Basics, I’ve often wondered if anyone is really listening to the heart behind this series. The deep heart desire of each of us at the Priceless blog is that you would come to know Christ, and would grow a deeper relationship with Him – a more obedient lifestyle that honors Him in all you do.

With that end in mind comes this lesson. If your heart has been pricked by some of these articles to the point of making changes in behavior and commitment, then you are well on your way to spiritual growth (even if you can’t see big changes yet!). Many of these lessons have had a personal focus. They have been things that would change our lives – studying God’s word, prayer, scripture memory, etc.

But what is our end goal? To just be changed for ourselves? No. In Matthew 28:19-20, God’s Word tells us, “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” We have an assignment. A duty. A commission. So now that you have been feeding yourself spiritually and growing, it’s time to learn to carry out that joyful responsibility.

Today we will learn to write out our story, our testimony – a short one that can be shared in 3-5 minutes. Please read the how-tos, but more than that, grab your paper and do it!

Steps to Writing a 3 Minute Testimony.

1. 

   Something like this…

   Take one sheet of paper and turn it sideways. Divide it into thirds with vertical lines. You now have 3 columns. Title the columns individually, left to right, with “Before I met Christ,” “How I met Christ,” and “After I Came to Know Christ.” Leave yourself plenty of room below to write notes.

2. Start with the left column. Jot down notes about what your life was like before you became a Christian. Write down circumstances, feelings, beliefs, or what you did and did not understand about the Bible, church, or being a Christian.
3. Under the second heading write down the facts, maybe in a bulleted list, about how you came to know Jesus, your salvation experience. Tell the basics: how old you were, where were you, who shared Jesus with you, what Bible verses led to your conversion, how you felt, what you prayed, did you put it off at first, and other similar facts.
4. And finally, in the third column explain in short phrases how your life changed after that. Was it immediate or over time? How have you grown in Christ? What have you learned? How has your faith been strengthened? What Bible verses are important to you today? What is the most recent or most powerful way you have seen God work on your behalf? How do you know you are a child of God?
5. Now take this note page and your other blank piece of paper. From the notes you jotted down, pick the most important ones or those that convey the meaning you want, and use them to write 3 concise paragraphs on your blank page to tell your story.

• Make sure you include scripture verses.
• Don’t glorify your sin, glorify Jesus.
• Use simple direct words that anyone can understand. Avoid “church words” such as “redeemed” or “sanctified” that non-church attenders may not clearly understand. (Alternate word options: Lord = boss, saved or redeemed = rescued, sanctified = set apart, justified = balanced my account, sin = something that goes against God’s standards.)
• If you keep with the 3 distinct paragraph form, you will easily remember the past-present-future of your story and be able to share it in any moment.
• Look over it daily until you are comfortable saying it with ease.
• Grab a good friend and ask them to let you practice sharing it with them. if you’ve already said it many times, you won’t be as nervous telling your story to a stranger or whoever God puts in your path.

Now it’s time to try! You can do this! God will use it when you are obedient to do it!

How do you respond to changes in your life?  Do you go in kicking and dragging your heel? Are you one of those that can’t leave anything behind, so you try to juggle the old and new? Very few of us are excited when changes come in our lives. Changes in our lives are unavoidable. It is how we deal with them and accept them that affect our destiny.

I can honestly say I am one that thinks long and hard before making changes. I like to hold on to the old and familiar. Recently, my dearly beloved 18-year-old recliner needed to be replaced. This recliner had moved with me three different times and has served me well, but the time had come for it to be replaced.  I have been putting off getting a new one for several years thinking this one could last a little longer. However, over the past year it had started to lose its stuffing in several places from wear. Finally, I had no choice, I knew something had to be done!

So why did I delay getting a new one? You see, this old recliner really fits me just right. It is so comfortable. The arms are just the right size to hold the remote. It is just the right height. It reclines to just the right angle for sleeping and watching TV. It is what I know. I am happy and content and even a little lazy. This old recliner has been doing its job. I didn’t want to think about going and searching for something new. I didn’t want to face the unknown world of recliner shopping; the colors, the styles, the choices. I knew there would not be one like the one I already had, and I would rather hold on to what I knew than to face the unknown.  However, once the decision to order a new recliner had been made, the question became what to do with my old recliner. Should I get rid of it or keep it around just in case I needed it for some reason. Can you relate? Do you hang on to stuff just in case you need it? (Let me be honest, the real reason I want to keep the recliner around is as a safety measure just in case I don’t like my new recliner.)

Some of you may be saying, “Well Brea, I’m glad you got a new recliner, but that seems very small and insignificant compared to the changes that come into my life.” You are right, but the decision is still the same. Sometimes you have to be willing to let go of things in your past or current life to embrace the new, exciting, and unknown things God has for you in the future. Be it a new recliner, a new Lifegroup, a new bible study, a new church, a new circle of friends, a new ministry, a new career or job, a new relationship, a move to a different city or country, etc. … You get the idea.

In the last session of the Priscilla Shirer Live conference in Knoxville, Priscilla gave us some warnings of things to be prepared for as we chase our donkeys heading towards our destiny. (To understand, read Part 1 if you haven’t.) The word of warning that really stuck me was that sometimes God calls us to let things in our life go: friends, possessions, ambitions, plans, and desires. (She is not talking about your marriage!)  Wait a minute! That is change! I thought I could just carry on with my every day task of chasing my donkey while waiting for my destiny. I didn’t sign up to give anything up. But God’s ways are different from our ways and his thoughts are different from our thoughts. (Isaiah 55:9) Sometimes we have to be willing to change to meet our destiny.

In 1 Samuel 9:27, Saul experienced having to give up something. He had to give up his servant that had been traveling with him. Samuel told him to let his servant go:

“When they reached the edge of town, Samuel told Saul to send his servant on ahead. After the servant was gone, Samuel said, “Stay here, for I have received a special message for you from God.”

Priscilla told us that sometimes in order for us to grasp the new things God has planned, we have to be willing to let go. Saul’s servant had served his purpose by pointing Saul to Samuel and faithfully working alongside of Saul chasing after those donkeys. Let’s be honest, sometimes it is others in our lives that encourage us and point out new opportunities in our lives. We just have to make the decision to follow their suggestions.

A little warning though: Don’t be like Balaam with his donkey (Numbers 22:8-35) and follow someone else’s suggestion or encouragement out of un-pure motives or rebellion and without actively seeking for God’s permission through prayer to move forward.  Draper Rogers said in his sermon a few weeks ago: “Road blocks are not the enemy and when you encounter road blocks they can be God’s warning signs to you and should not be ignored.”  Make sure you are watching for the road signs while you chase your donkey.  Detours and unintended hazards are no fun and can slow you down.

But back to change. When change comes in your life how do you react: Are you excited?  Do you embrace this new change? Are the words from the song in the movie Frozen your motto: “Let it go! Let it go!” Do you embrace the words found in Isaiah 43:19 (NET) where the Lord says: “Look, I am about to do something new. Now it begins to happen! Do you not recognize it?  Yes, I will make a road in the desert and paths in the wilderness”?

Are you willing to drop everything and follow Jesus, just like his disciples?

In Matthew 4:19-22 (NET) Jesus said to them, “ ‘Follow me, and I will turn you into fishers of people.’ They left their nets immediately and followed him. Going on from there he saw two other brothers, James the son of Zebedee and John his brother, in a boat with Zebedee their father, mending their nets. Then he called them. They immediately left the boat and their father and followed him.”

These disciples were willing to drop everything to follow Jesus.

Sometimes this is so hard to do. I have been known to flat-out rebel by refusing to make the change, or I try to juggle the old and the new. This never works. Can you relate to the rich man in Matthew 19:16-30 (NET), when he came to Jesus and asked him how he could gain eternal life? Jesus told him to keep the commandments, to which the rich man replied that he did, so what did he lack? Jesus replied: “ ‘If you wish to be perfect, go sell your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.’ But when the young man heard this he went away sorrowful, for he was very rich.” This man went away sorrowful, sad. He could not let his possessions go. He missed out on following Jesus for things. Do you let worldly possessions, your friends, family members, job, church, current ministries, etc. hold you back from following God to your destiny? Do you favor them and the security they bring over God?  These are some really tough questions! Let me say from experience it is better to willingly give something up than to have the Holy Spirit come in and strip things away as he cuts and prunes your life. The hurt is a lot worse when God has to purposely remove something or someone, than for us to acknowledge and obey God’s instruction when He asks us to let things or people go.

Giving up the familiar and stepping out into the unknown is scary. But God has said in Deuteronomy 31:5 (NET) “Be strong and courageous! Do not fear or tremble before them, for the Lord your God is the one who is going with you. He will not fail you or abandon you!” Also in Isaiah 41:10 (NET) God tells us, “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you! Don’t be frightened, for I am your God! I strengthen you—yes, I help you—yes, I uphold you with my saving right hand!”

Going Beyond Ministries

So are you willing to let go and step out on Faith? At the conference, Priscilla said, “Our calling/destiny is not here. It is there. And we have to be willing to release what God has called us to let go of so that we can fully grasp the future he has planned.  If we choose to hold on to the past it limits our enjoyment of the life God has given us. God lays the table and invites us to come eat, but we have to decide to leave things behind and go.”

It is time for me to let my old recliner go and embrace many years with my new recliner. What is God calling you to leave behind or change in your life so that you can experience new and exciting things He has for your destiny?