Being in two places at one time has always seemed an impossibility, and then I began to understand through the help of dramatic cinema, one can be in two places at one time. Say for instance standing in one state with one leg and another with the other. I realized it wasn’t an impossibility necessarily, just my perspective made it one. 

Several weeks ago, maybe months now I realized my heart had been in two places at one time. 

“I’m holding gratitude in one hand and brokenness in the other.” It was a text to me from my sister. I was in an ICU room, She was taxiing on the tarmac.

I read it and had to for the umpteenth time choked back the tears. The overwhelming flood of emotion that binds itself to fear, frustration, anxiety, exhaustion and relief. In my head as I read it I changed the pronoun “I” to “we” then nodded in silent agreement.

I’ve never in my four decades of life felt more broken, felt more external brokenness. When quizzed I usually just gloss over and say “It’s just a lot.” There have been a lot of things really over the course of this 2023 but that day came barging its way in trying to top all the things, all the places of brokenness. 

I was shook. Gutted. Heart wrenched. Wrecked. 

I found myself in a place of such brokenness I wondered at times if I could survive it. I had experienced some hard things before but this wasn’t a thing, this was numerous things, seemingly impossible and insurmountable things yet I was also at the same time so filled with gratitude. I was so grateful because I knew I wasn’t alone, I knew God was in control. Grateful for prayers and petitions and intercessions. I found myself in two places at one time, holding brokenness in one hand and gratitude in the other. I began to and have since been pondering if it is possible to be broken and grateful at the same time? I have realized fully yes, yes you can. 

When Jesus stood before the tomb of his friend Lazarus he was broken. Broken over sin and death, the pain and sorrow of His Bethany friends, broken to the point of tears. “Jesus Wept.”  (John 11:35) After he had words with Martha, commanded the stone to be rolled from the entrance of the tomb Jesus expressed gratitude in John 11:41. ““Father, I thank you that you have heard me.”  Jesus held brokenness in one hand and gratitude in the other. His example demonstrates we can find ourselves in places of hurt, sorrow, pain, brokenness but we can trust the God who loves us to use our gratitude for our good and His glory.