Looking back I am ashamed that I acted that way. It was an adorable teddy bear with suspenders and hearts attaching the suspenders to the pants. He bought it because he loved me so, and it represented a cuddly, sweet picture of the love we shared. He was young and didn’t realized the selfish expectations for grand things I had in my heart.

The afternoon continued with tears and discussions and a breaking of my anger. I slowly began to understand the thought and love that had gone into his purchase. He took me to a beautiful, romantic supper and offered to go shopping with me to return the bear and pick out whatever I wanted, (he really is an unselfish picture of the love of God) but I declined. I decided I wanted to keep that bear. I needed to keep that bear!

That day I learned the big dirty word in my life: EXPECTATIONS! It’s actually the big dirty word for all of us no matter who we are showing love to. Are we going to be so focused on our desires, or our needs from the relationship, that we are let down or angry when those expectations are not met? With a friend – do we get angry when they cancel plans with us or hang out with another friend? With a parent, are we upset when they treat a sibling in a way we don’t think is best, maybe feeling we were slighted? With a person we’re dating –  do we get mad when things don’t go our way? With a spouse – do we let them have it verbally when they fail to do, or do something different than, what we thought was best? In all these situations we are letting our expectations control us and cause us to be dissatisfied in the relationship.

The key to satisfying loving relationships is to not hold expectations so dear to our heart that they become goals and feel like failures when they don’t happen. 

My “Expectations Bear” after years of loving.

I still have that teddy bear I received 33 years ago. I kept it on purpose as a reminder NOT to sell out to my expectations. As our 4 children came along my “Expectation Bear” was the first stuffed animal in the nursery. My kids and grandkids have all loved on him and played many games with him through the years. He’s had an ear torn off and sewn back on, and has lost both suspenders and one heart, but I still keep him in the toy box. I need the reminder of how my selfish expectations wounded one I love dearly and nearly wrecked a beautiful day. That bear will always be with me. I’ll probably be the little ole lady in the nursing home hugging that bedraggled bear.

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That little reminder, that bear, has helped me develop a happier lifestyle, one that doesn’t set expectations on people. My only expectation is in the only perfect one who knows me completely – My Savior and Love, Jesus. All my expectations are in Him.

So this February 14th, let’s not allow expectations of a gift, or of being married “by now,” or of someone owing us something, or of anything else ruin a relationship or sidetrack us from earthly relationships or from Our True Lover, Creator, and Friend!

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails!” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8